Peep Surgery

[SkyBaby]

Gosh, I know I am a few weeks behind.. but forgot to post this... It is still cute no matter when you read it. SkyBaby
Darn.. the pics didnt come up... they will when you click on the link.... at least.. i think they will

[SkyBaby]

Peep Surgery




Introduction: One of the great mysteries of the Peep species is that these creatures are always born as conjoined quintuplets. Some scientists have theorized that this arrangement, much like pack behavior in other species, serves as a natural protection against predators. As evidence, note that Peeps are most often consumed by predators only after they have been separated from their siblings. Conversely, Peeps which remain attached to their siblings are rarely preyed upon.

Nevertheless, as Peeps integrate into modern society, there is no ethical reason they should be denied the benefits of individualism, freed from the bonds of their sticky, marshmallow kin.

We thus applied the advances of modern medicine to attempt this miracle separation of these 5 brave volunteers.

Materials: In preparation of this never-before attempted surgery, a range of instruments and supplies were assembled. Our thanks go out to all those who will wonder on Monday where these instruments have gone.


Procedure:
• Phase 1: Pre-operative Peep patient preparation.
• Phase 2: Patients are transported to operating theater, where they are given anesthetic and surgery begins.
• Phase 3: After the first Peep is separated, wound is cauterized and first attempt at closure is carried out.
• Phase 4: The second Peep has been separated, and sutures are used to close the wound.
• Phase 5: Tension rises in the O.R. as a Code Purple is called.
• Phase 6: Reconstructive plastic surgery is carried out as the final step in this procedure.

Operative Results: Overall, we view this operation as a resounding success. All five patients survived the procedure as viable, if not somewhat squished, individuals.

Future surgical technique should be refined based upon these experiences. We expect significant improvement in outcome with repeated attempts. Clearly, more data is required regarding base-line Peep vital signs and intraoperative monitoring. Established protocols for Code Purple resuscitation should be reviewed.
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Peep Surgery
Phase 1

Prior to surgery, the patients were given a thorough pre-operative workup. With the exception of a strikingly high glucose level, all medical parameters were within acceptable limits.


High glucose, a common indicator of diabetes, was excluded as a risk factor due to the absence of polydipsia, polyurea, retinopathic or neuropathic changes, with a normal urine analysis. No other medical contraindications to surgery were discovered. It should be noted that patients refused a urine drug screen.

Following the pre-op workup, the patients were situated in a sterile field.
Shown at right is Dr. Jim, acting chair of Peep surgery, scrubbed in and ready to begin the procedure.

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Peep Surgery
Phase 2


Throughout the surgery, subjects were infused with a 97% glucose drip to maintain physiological homeostasis.
Subjects underwent endotracheal intubation to insure maintenance of airway patency.


Anesthetic was prepared...
...and a spinal block was administered.


The primary incision was made at precisely 4:15 PM.
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Peep Surgery
Phase 3

After separating the first chick, exposed fluffathelium was cauterized with a soldering iron.


Note at left the sterile, cauterized wound.
Surgical staples being unavailable, the initial wound closure was carried out with office staples.


Aperture of the Swingline stapler was adjusted to implant fastener.
Unfortunately, mild deformation of the patient resulted.


Additional staples were applied to finish closing the wound, although later assessment determined that staple-mediated wound closure was sub-optimal.
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Peep Surgery
Phase 4

Because of minor problems with staple efficacy, remaining Peep wounds were closed with Prolene sutures.


Standard surgical square knot was tied to secure suture in caudal wound margin.
Knot was reinforced with multiple ties.


Wound was closed with a continuous suture stitch.
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Peep Surgery
Phase 5

As the third Peep was separated, we were shocked to notice that no heartbeat could be detected. A "Code Purple" was called, and resuscitory efforts began immediately.
The patient was defibrillated with maximum possible voltage. "CLEAR!"


Defibrillation failed to elicit a palpable pulse, so manual CPR was administered.
Unfortunately, due to Peep anatomy, isolating the chest for compression of the heart was not feasible. Full body compressions were applied until Dr. Jim got tired.


Only after ceasing compressions did we realize that Peeps have no hearts, making our heroic efforts unnecessary.
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Peep Surgery
Phase 6

Plastic surgical techniques were attempted in an effort to minimize scarring.


FunDip pre-pigmented synthetic crystalline glycodermis was grafted onto regions of exposed fluffathelium.
Grape FunDip, predicted to provide the closest aesthetic pigment match, was in fact a shade lighter than normal Purple glycodermis.


As part of our experimental procedure, Blue Raspberry was used on the next patient. Note that Blue Raspberry will likely be an ideal cosmetic match for the new Blue peep species.
Cherry FunDip did not match either, and was characterized as "just plain tacky" by our cosmetic experts.

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