The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska. He was cruising in the campground in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Obama' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about, and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing 'Go
Sarah' shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semi-conscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pick-up truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of the men over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was
"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with
Heaven and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he doesn't
know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is our bait still alive or do
we need to go back to California and get a fresh one?
Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring......
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes
in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You
probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be ok, You'll walk again and everything, but your penis was
severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9,000 in insurance
compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great, but they don't come cheap.
It will be roughly $1,000 an inch."
The man perks up.
"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. I
understand that you've been married for over forty years and this is
something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before
and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine
incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might
be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a
The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken with your
"Yes I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes" says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite counter-tops.
2008 2.4 AUTO MIDNGT BLUE BLK TOP BLK LTHR gone but not forgotten.
2008 Vette Jetstream Blue
2003 Silverado Arrival Blue
1998 Vette Black