It sounds wacky, but these cars act possessed when the battery starts to fail. The odd warning lights and everything else is typical of a dying battery.
Yup, just as Robo said, my vote is for a bad battery.
Here's an anecdote... Just the day before yesterday my daughter left to go to lunch with a friend and her car wouldn't start. Exact same symptoms as yours, all the lights and electronics worked fine, but not enough power to turn over the engine. (You left the lights on or something I thought) so I get out the battery charger, set it to start on 10amp boost and left it til the evening. Car still wouldn't start. So then I got the multimeter out and tested the battery while the car was off. 11.7 volts. Not great, but not hugely low - especially if it had been drained. Then I ask her to crank it while I measured the voltage. 7 to 8 volts. Dammit, battery's buggered. Now this is where I have to state that she got the car second hand about 3 months ago - it's a 2012 - and the battery came in the car, so had no idea of the age or state of it. I did look at the top labels while it was in the car, but there was no date stamp or code visible.
So I got the old battery out of the car and off we went to Wallymart for a cheapo replacement. So then, while we were waiting in Walmart to buy her new battery, I thought to look for the age of the failed one again, and this time I found it low down on the side. A sticker said the SHIP date was NOVEMBER 2018! So the damn battery was only a few months old!
Moral of the story
- just 'cos you have a nearly new battery, doesn't mean it's not bad. If you have a voltmeter, you can check the same way I did and just measure the voltage while someone tries to crank the engine. Otherwise take it to an Autozone or Advance Auto (etc) and ask for them to do a battery test.
: To finish my daughter's story... after seeing that date on the old battery, we didn't buy the new one at Wallymart. Instead we went to Autozone (it was an Autozone branded battery) and they gave us a free replacement. Actually very nice of them, because the (3yr replacement) warranty only applies to the original buyer. But they said they saw it was nearly new (must've been replaced by the user car place she got the car from before sale) and so told us that "they'd take care of us". So we are satisfied (non) customers!